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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/24443473">Aftermath</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/tornyourdress/pseuds/tornyourdress'>tornyourdress</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>Angel: the Series</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>Angst, Gen, M/M</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>Completed</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2020-05-29</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2020-05-29</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-18 07:28:54</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>Teen And Up Audiences</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>No Archive Warnings Apply</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>1</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>942</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/24443473</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/tornyourdress/pseuds/tornyourdress</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>Angel comes around to check on Wesley, after the events of 'Billy'.</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Angel (BtVS)/Wesley Wyndam-Pryce</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>1</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>12</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>Aftermath</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
      <p>Written/set immediately after 'Billy' (s3).</p>
    </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>A knock on the door. He didn't want to answer it. He still felt like a monster, needing to cut himself off from humanity. What Fred had said had only mildly soothed him.</p><p>Because he knew that deep down inside him maybe he <i>had</i> wanted to do those things to her. He had thought, more than once, how hard it was to work with someone he was so attracted to when she flitted around in her little-girl outfits which revealed more flesh than she realised.</p><p>He'd noticed she'd been well covered up for her visit to his apartment. His words had had an impact on her, whether she realised it or not.</p><p>The sleeping pills prescribed to him a long time ago and never used tempted him. Just to sleep, and not be haunted by the memory of what he had done to someone he loved, seemed like such a good idea.</p><p>He didn't know who could be at the door. Who would call on a creature like him?</p><p>"Wesley, open up."</p><p>Angel. Ah.</p><p>He was probably planning revenge for what Wesley had done to Fred. That had to be it.</p><p>If only Angel knew. Being beaten up and tortured would be preferable to the mental anguish he was going through.</p><p>He opened the door anyway. Angel walked right in.</p><p>How - oh, of course. He'd been here before.</p><p><i>Saving me</i>, Wesley recalled. Perhaps it would have been better for him to have died then.</p><p>"I wasn't sure if Fred had convinced you or not," Angel said, pacing around the room.</p><p>"I'm not so sure either," Wesley responded.</p><p>"You're coming back to work, aren't you?"</p><p>"Would it make any difference if I didn't?"</p><p>Angel looked at him. "You're usually not this self-pitying."</p><p>"I'm usually not so violent," he countered.</p><p>"What do you want me to say, Wesley? That if you don't come back to work we won't be able to cope? That we need you? Fine, Wes, we need you. Are you coming back?"</p><p>"You managed fine without me," Wesley noted. "In fact, you could take over running Angel Investigations again."</p><p>"That's not what I want, Wes."</p><p>"Don't tell me you haven't thought about it. I know you've never been exactly thrilled to be working for me."</p><p>"Maybe I have, but that's not the point. You're in charge now. Don't back down just because of what Billy did to you."</p><p>"It's not that simple -" Wesley began.</p><p>"Yes, it is. You've just been looking for an excuse to step down because you're so scared of failing. You're afraid that he's right, that you'll never amount to anything. Don't let him keep controlling your life, Wes! You're better than this!"</p><p>"And how would you know? You don't know me, Angel, not who I really am, and don't presume to."</p><p>"I know you better than you think. Don't forget I was around when you were Faith's Watcher."</p><p>"Oh, yes, let's bring <i>that</i> disaster up. Maybe that's who I am, Angel, the man who can't think for himself and can't see beyond rules and regulations to do the right thing!"</p><p>Angel shrugged. "You did the right thing eventually. You helped stop the Mayor."</p><p>"And I'm sure that without my contribution the plan would have collapsed entirely," he muttered sarcastically.</p><p>"We need you, Wesley."</p><p>"No. You don't."</p><p>"You're the bravest man I know. You're a damn good leader. You always know what the right thing to do is. You <i>care</i> about people, and they respect you. We respect you. You're resourceful and intelligent and -" Angel paused in his litany, aware that Wesley was staring right at him.</p><p>Wesley held his gaze for a few moments longer, noting the discomfort and embarrassment in Angel's eyes.</p><p>"Is that why you're here?" he finally asked.</p><p>"No. No! I - you know, you're changing the subject. Are you coming back to work or not?"</p><p>"That rather depends."</p><p>"On?"</p><p>"On whether or not you tell me the truth. Did you or did you not come over here for the sole purpose of seducing me?"</p><p>"I wouldn't call it <i>seducing</i>," Angel muttered.</p><p>"Angel."</p><p>"No. You're still upset, it wouldn't be fair to try - to do anything. Besides" - he shrugged - "you're in love with Fred. We all know that."</p><p>"So why did you come?"</p><p>"Wes, I meant what I said, and I don't just think those things because I - because I'm attracted to you. I think you're being too hard on yourself. I hate to see you like this. Fred's forgiven you. The only person blaming you is you."</p><p>Wesley thought of the sleeping pills and oblivion, and then of the harsh real world.</p><p>"Just let it go," Angel said softly.</p><p>There was a lump in his throat. "I'll see you tomorrow," Wesley said, nodding at the door.</p><p>Angel took the hint and left.</p><p>Wesley took a few deep breaths, his eyes stinging. In the bathroom, splashing cold water on his face, he found them.</p><p>He thought of who he had been a few days before, the monster he had become who had tried to murder Fred.</p><p>Angel had been right when he'd said that Wesley's father was still controlling his life.</p><p>He'd always been so terrified of becoming like his father, the awful creature that locked him away and hurt him and was never ever pleased with anything he did.</p><p>
Now he knew the truth. He <i>was</i> like his father deep down, and Billy had brought it out in him.

There was a monster inside him that he'd be fighting for the rest of his life. He wasn't sure whether he could win or not.

He twisted the lid off the container and stared inside.</p>
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